So, a lot has happened since I last updated LIGHTforMI. It's always an honour to come back on this ministry. It's been too long and most of the reason is due to extreme depression. So anyhoo, I'm back haha! 
 
 
So, as said on the February link, we moved out of my folks' place. And whilst being on my own, much of the stress from living there has greatly decreased. Coping with my mental illness has been more productive as well. And hitting my one year mark has also been such a great feeling. Picking up different challenges and projects during this time has helped me in my recovery and in other aspects of my life and starting on treating my PTSD and trauma through EMDR therapy and working with my BFRD. Decorating it quite nice as well and getting serious on writing, art and other things as well.
 
Through using Habitica, I have been working on my metal, physical and spiritual health. And working towards being a better person in Christ. But even so, I have still struggled. Depression due to falling out of my recovery plan, grieving the losses I sustained in 2017, and other things. It's been a lot to process and I'm trying to work through it. But I know it could always be worse. And I acknowledge that I am blessed to still be alive. 
 
I also finally finished a project back in April, Rainbow Slices is finally complete and my next goal is to revise and edit and prepare to self-publish the piece and hopefully soon sell it. This excites me as I've always wanted to publish something for my ministry. Started this Recovery Cahira Project on Mother's Day this year and am excited to finish the art and story :D Wish me well, dahlings! Other than all that, I wanted to share a poem I wrote a little while ago:
 
Depression is a Liar
Written 07/06/2018
By: Mari Fahel McKimzey
 

You want to save my life before it ends
But the problem with that, my friend
Is that I've already died
And all I can say of my life is I've tried

And you want to know why I feel this way
You say I'm a child of Yahweh
That I've certainly not died
If you hear them enough, you believe the lies

Because I'm fine and yet I'm not
I'm comfortable and yet I rot
I realize you fear for me
But I'm already dead you see?

Depression says I'm not worth it
She says to put my trust in it
She's telling me you'll leave me alone
So when you don't pick up the phone
I ask myself if I was too much for you
But nothing she says to me is true
Half truths are her specialty
And yet she's always been there for me

I know it's not true but when I'm alone
She always stayed near my heart's home
She held me when I was ditched
If you're held enough, you tend to get attached

Because I'm fine and yet I'm not
I'm comfortable and yet I rot
I realize you fear for me
But I'm already dead you see?

Depression says I'm not worth it
She says to put my trust in it
She's telling me you'll leave me alone
So when you don't pick up the phone
I ask myself if I was too much for you
But nothing she says to me is true
Half truths are her specialty
And yet she's always been there for me

Depression says I'm not worth it
She says I'm alone in this fight
Depression says they won't care
If I kill myself tonight
Depression says I'm nothing
And she makes me question who I am!
But depression is a liar!
She's a liar!
She is not who I am!

 

Luceo Non Uro,

Ari

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