Well, today, I am celebrating 11 months being clean. It is amazing to look at my scars and see them as they are... scars that have healed over and be able to be at peace with them. God has brought me out of a great darkness, but this only makes me want to release my other addictions with food and pornography even more. I will be honest, I have not let go of what kept me cutting to begin with and I really long to... My bitterness, hurt and rage towards myself and friends makes it difficult to continue in my recovery. Keep me in your prayers, please, my friends...

Luceo Non Uro,

Arianna

Peace Hunger

by Arianna Joy Schaffer

It's hard to rest after today

The clock ticks as the minutes go by

It's past midnight and I can't even say

Just exactly how I feel tonight

You read this, and don't know what happened

But, I long, hunger, thirst after Truth

I would give it all up to Him

If I could only be renewed

12:30 nearing the time to rest

But I cannot even will my own eyes shut

It's taken this life's mess

To learn how to escape the rut

I want peace passing all understanding

To find a way back to His love

And these shall be the songs I sing

"Glory to the Lord above!"

Brother, sister, whosoever reads these words

I need to find where the wounded can be healed

My fellows at arms help me to bear good witness to His Word

So that Christ will bridge to the Father, my appeal

Haunted by memories of an internal war

I am weighed down by my shame

The corners of my mind have now been ripped and torn

And the wildfires burns the land and cannot be tamed

I want to experience a deeper peace

I want to be the instrument of it

No longer in bed in an eternal sleep

No longer on the fence to sit

But in my heart and my mind

I can find it nowhere, all I see is rage

I pray that God will grant the wisdom to leave that past behind

Start all over with reconciliation and a new page