This letter is written generically to all pastors but originally it was for one pastor. I am writing this because I have gone through this with many churches and I want all pastors to understand why this is wrong and possibly help other Christians with this issue to come to a more welcoming church. Share this with your leaders and help me spread this story. So without further ado a heavily revised letter to all pastors…
Luceo Non Uro,
Dear Pastors and Leaders of the Church and Body of Christ,
We, the Silently Broken are writing you this day because I have an obligation to speak up when we see-- or in this case experience something wrong. As your sister/brother in Christ and as someone who has been called to kill the stigma around mental illness in the church, we have been given this obligation.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
Matthew 18:15-17 ESV
When we were at your church we did not see Jesus nor hear him in the way you treated us. No amount of us expressing our story of recovery through Christ could have justified how you humiliated us, watched us as if we were a threat to your congregants, and segregated us from your congregation. You have not properly prepared your congregation for the real world if you are so concerned by what the seekers will think if they hear that there is a Christian who self-harms, is suicidal, and struggles with mental illness. And when you haven’t properly prepared your congregants for this, you have failed future seekers…
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
1 John 4:18 ESV
Let me express to you from the view of someone who spent time in church when we were seeking Christ… We spent more time looking at people who seemed like they didn’t suffer from these things. We spent more time trying to watch how the pastors treated people with struggles like ours. We watched the pastor’s children. We watched the ones who constantly smiled and rarely expressed pain... We watched people who’d expect that from the congregants…
We don’t do this, because we are inspired, but because they were the ones who’d hurt others, liberally. If they hurt their other brethren, then they’d hurt us. In other words, seekers of Christ who are just starting out, they spend more time watching and listening to you and thinking badly about your actions than with people who are real and aren’t afraid to show where they struggle. It’s somewhat refreshing to seekers to find people in church without that mask. They tend to believe the word coming from an openly imperfect Christian more than from someone who mimics perfection.
There is a beautiful transparency to honest disciples who never wear a false face and do not pretend to be anything but who they are.
Brennan Manning
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”
Matthew 5:3-5 ESV
We were humiliated by your treatment of us through one of the hardest times of our lives. It really wasn’t any of your business who we choose to tell. And even when we do what you told us to do and kept silent, you kicked us out anyway. This would be a devastating and traumatic situation for anyone; because in the one place where you are supposed to be loved and helped, we were cast out. Once all this is over, we feel like we don’t belong anywhere. As Christians, we are in and not of the world and are hated by the world. But as someone with mental illness, we don’t belong with our family in Christ.
The church is not a museum for pristine saints, but a hospital ward for broken sinners
Timothy Keller
Now that I have finished expressing this, I want you to be aware that I have forgiven you, despite how traumatic this was. But I do want you to do this big favour for me. As your sister/brother in Christ, I ask that you learn from this situation and not do this to anyone ever again. If a Christian in my same situation comes expressing things like this, please be aware that it IS part of your mission to help them and treat them the same as everyone else, with the same love. Please treat the others how you’d want to be treated. Bear their burdens, because as you are your brother’s keeper. It is your problem just as it is mine.
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2 ESV
For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’
Matthew 25:35-40 ESV
This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
John 15:12 ESV
Shalom be to you all in Christ and Yahweh,
A Ragamuffin Child
The ragamuffin who sees his life as a voyage of discovery and runs the risk of failure has a better feel for faithfulness than the timid man who hides behind the law and never finds out who he is at all.
Brennan Manning
