LIGHT for MI
Love that Inspires Growth and Hope through Trials
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10 Years Ago...2014: First Step
This was the wake-up call for me. When our ministry began, we were motivated by losses, motivated by the Church's lack of compassion for us, and others struggling with mental health problems. This, too, was the time my mental health declined so badly that I attempted suicide just before Christmas. So much cascading down, including mourning normality. The first step, for me, was when I overdosed to end my life, and my mum was so distraught that I finally woke up to the fact that I needed to change. Each step from the pit below was difficult, but I aimed to improve. This wasn't a change overnight, of course, I had to keep my urges at bay with defiance.
8 Years Ago... 2017: Relapse
This year was one of turmoil. By this point, we were helping my former roommate by bringing her into the home after extreme traumatic events on her end. But we didn't know that things might get a whole lot worse. This was the year I went to jail. The year I was segregated to the back of yet another Baptist church for my mental illness. The year I was stalked and sexually harassed. And the most traumatic event of all, the violent death of a beloved pet. So, in knowing this, it's no wonder I resorted to self-harming after a year without doing so, and needed to get stitches. Not even a month later, I self-harmed yet again, until May 23rd, 2017, was my last time, as I continued to defiantly resist the urges to this day.
7 Years Ago... 2018: The Move
This year was a year of freedom, independence. My brother, my former roommate and I moved out. While I learned what I couldn't at home, I became more mature. Despite the struggles of growing accustomed to my new living situation, I felt freer and able to learn who I was. This was when I participated more in gamification to help me grow in healing. I gamified fitness, self-care, and productivity, and began making my own gamification challenges. This was also when I drew closer into nostalgia, missing the simpler times and using my time to reconnect with my inner child.
5 Years Ago... 2020: The Quarantine
The collective groan can already be sensed filling the lungs of nearly the entire world, just mentioning this, I suppose. This was the year I bet many could say felt like a fever dream. But this year started earlier than normal for me, in November 2019, when I felt a strange pneumonic disease course through me whilst hearing horrible rumors of an awful disease similar to this... What with the gaslighting of both mainstream media and the government, saying that it was fearmongering and would NOT be as bad as it sounded. Became that crazy year that we can all remember, if we were not too young to recollect it.... Then in February, a tornado that was on the ground for 9 entire minutes and wrecked my childhood home while I still recovered from the 4-month illness that wrecked my lungs, leaving a cavity in them and making my sleep apnea worse than ever. With it, then, affecting what progress I made between 2018-2019 with my therapist and hoping beyond hope that things would return to a sense of normality. The next year would be a loss of a beloved family friend, causing a greater sadness to make everything harder. Yet at this time, there was a light, and I was still able to remain somewhat stable by not ending up self-harming.
2 Years Ago... 2023: What was Grand
The year my time with my first long-term therapist ended. As well as the year I learned to reconnect with my parents and worked to care for my grandmother during her last days. Oh, how I wish I did better for her, but am glad to the bottom of my heart that I was able to do what I did do. The way we spent time together was precious to me but I truly wish I had spent more time and given her the kindness she deserved. I miss my grandmother every day and long to have known if she was saved before she passed. Coming home after caring for her was a relief, but it also was an adjustment as I was completely still in caretaker mode... And I wish I weren't so quick to go and hand her off to my family. Because I wish I had been there with her to the end. Recently, I built my grandma's house on Minecraft and the cherry tree in her backyard. It truly was cathartic, seeing her home as it was when I grew up there. Healed a part of my heart that shattered when her home was no longer the home I remember...But every day comes anew, and I will look onward with those same new eyes.
1 Year Ago...2024: Respawned
After a rough health situation and a falling out with my previous living situation, I moved back in with my parents. It was hard giving up my independence and coming home to help here. But it was harder to deal with the chaos I left behind. With a library nearby, a peaceful, quiet-ish environment, and the ability to have my family with me during one of the hardest years of my life. With the loss of my gramma, the first birthday I would not share with her, and the struggle of a lot of firsts that I didn't have to be alone for, I truly appreciate that time, the patience my family has shown with me, even after the rough start of it all. Hopefully, I can continue each day with this same gratitude and motivation from here on, despite the trials ahead.
Today... 2025: Step by Step
In February of this year, I began a Virta-inspired ketogenic diet. I started at 343lbs and have lost 30lbs since then. I have begun feeling healthy and better just with that alone.e. Yet also aiming to work towards my physical wellbeing more as I now tackle getting medical help with more physical quandries. With another gamified program (Spirit City: Lofi Sessions) helping me track each day (and getting my mum into it as well), I have also been working to use it to track other apps that I have found to be very useful. Shmoody to log my moods, Finch Self-care Pet, and track daily tasks, Habitica to cultivate community as we all track our daily tasks, habits, and to-dos, Amaru Self-care Pet to journal and practice mindfulness exercises, and Peridot to track my fitness. With these, I also aim to practice a plan to aid in the care of each aspect of a human being. I call it the Triquetra Goals. Which has you choose one consistent goal in each category of your being, so to speak... For example:
Triquetra Goals
Spirit: Read a chapter in the Bible
Soul/Mind: Practice deep breathing exercise
Body: Take a walk
Furthermore, I encourage myself to choose three "sidequests," so to speak, every day. Every morning, if my motivation allows it, I consider what extra little thing I can add to do this day that will not be too much of a burden. And in the same way, I would set it in each category. For example:
Triquetra Sidequest
Spirit: Chapter in Heaven By Randy Alcorn
Soul/Mind: Write a journal entry
Body: Bath
This has kept me productive as well as the custom 15min Focus 15min Short Break and 30min Long Break of the pomodoro technique I borrowed from. On some other programs I also learned of acronyms for both journalling and goal setting.
GLAD Journal
(I am) Grateful
(I) Learned
(I) Achieved
(I) Delighted in
SMART Goals
Specific - write out clear and concise goals
Measureable - ability to track progress
Achieveable - set challenging but achievable goals
Relevant - set goals relevant to your life plan
Timely - set a deadline to have goal completed
Conclusion: Looking to the Future
Here, I look at the future with 3 goals in each "category"
Spirit
- Start a devotional/bible study by July 2025
- Daily Audio Bible in a year again from January 2026 to forever
- Listen to my Christian book list on Audible by January 2028
Soul/Mind
- Read the Driver's manual with my sister by September 2025
- Finish my Algebra by January 2027
- Continue practicing my goals/journal
Body
- Take a short walk to the library everyday by June
- Get a Kinect cord and begin Kinect fitness by September of 2025
- Get down to (around)250lb by August 2026
In hopes of completing this
Luceo Non Uro,
Ari
- Details
- Written by Arianna
Introduction
So life is beginning to balance out for me as I began a dietary lifestyle last month. I have started a Virta Health-inspired Keto diet where I cut out glucose and eat a low-carb, high-fat, and moderate-protein diet. So far it has done wonders and I went down 2 sizes, and this doesn't even cover my mental health improvements! I have also started taking a Pomodoro approach to daily steps in all my projects.
Revisting Project Progress
1.) Mental Health Gaming
One of my main projects at the moment is gamifying self-care though games like Minecraft, Toontown: Corporate Clash, etc. Using apps like 4thewords, Habitica, and Discord; I have written down the ideas and inserted challenges for a party/support group. -08/26/2024
This project is going pretty strong however, I am still struggling on doing events for mental health on Discord. It is now April, and thus it is NaPoWriMo, which I set up prompts of my own for it and have published it on 4thewords
2.) Community Building
Solo blogging as well as community events have been a huge part of my day-to-day goals now. Hosting the Agape Kingdom: Gamifications has been a huge undertaking. However, it has been fruitful and cathartic. Even though it remains a struggle to keep it active, it has helped me through the days (of loss) -- 08/26/2024
This has continued to be a struggle as I kind of took a break from it. However, I aim to work harder to host events like movie nights, parties, mental health etc.
3.) Livestreaming/Blogging/Vlogging
a.) Agape Kingdom Blog: (took a break but am starting back this month)
b.) TheOhanaGryphoness Twitch: (took a break but will return between now and May)
c.) thegryphonwing Tiktok: (continuing to take a break and have no clue when I'll return)
New Growth/Projects
1.) Shmoody
Mum and I have both been using Shmoody to track our mental health and journal. With that as well, I have been aiming to use Finch and Habitica more as well which Shmoody has made a little easier for me.
2.) Spirit City: Lofi Sessions
In addition to that I have been using this program from steam to practice the Pomodoro approach to life which is helping me be more active and care more for my environment and well-being
3.) Organizing/Cleaning my Room
Still working hard to keep my area clean and ready to move all my things in.
4.) Minecraft breaks
I have also used Minecraft as a means to care for myself. In Gospelcraft.com, I put together a game roof and diary card section along with going and taking breaks from working or Minecraft I have approach it with the Pomodoro way as well and play for a little bit then afk in the area.
Conclusion
Even though it's been a rough few months, I am ultimately grateful for my time with (those I have lost) and that I am working to move out of my apartment and back with my parents here. I hope to be more active in LightforMI as well as in other areas. I look forward to this coming year.
However dark it was before for me, it has only brightened even more, It is still hard with the loss of my grandmother, but this year has only been a blessing. Even the struggle has been a blessing
Luceo Non Uro,
Ari
- Details
- Written by Arianna
Introduction
March 2023 was the start of a spiraling and difficult life. My grandmother began deteriorating fast. And I took that time to become her caretaker. It hasn't been the same since. My mental well-being is not as smooth sailing as I would desire. On January 6th, 2024, my grandmother passed away, leaving me grieving and dreading my birthday which we shared up til now... Yesterday, her last pet passed away peacefully as well. Thus making my anxiety much higher than it already was, if that is even possible. I have been working on moving into my parent's house due to health reasons; both mental and physical and since then, desperately clung to my ability to create, and build communities along with lifting prayers and songs for my peace. Although I am deep in grief, I truly aim to remain active. Despite not wanting to.
Projects
1.) Mental Health Gaming
One of my main projects at the moment is gamifying self-care though games like Minecraft, Toontown: Corporate Clash, etc. Using apps like 4thewords, Habitica, and Discord; I have written down the ideas and inserted challenges for a party/support group.
2.) Community Building
Solo blogging as well as community events have been a huge part of my day-to-day goals now. Hosting the Agape Kingdom: Gamifications has been a huge undertaking. However, it has been fruitful and cathartic. Even though it remains a struggle to keep it active, it has helped me through the days I caretook for my grandmother, stuck with her cat, Missy when we put her down, ultimately lost her, and then recently lost Mister.
3.) Hosting Servers/Groups
I touched a bit on this in the previous point, however here I'd like to share the many groups I mainly host for promoting self-care(dm thegryphonwing on Discord to be let in);
a.) Minecraft Realm; Growing Yun Gaming: With add-ons being added to Bedrock, I have used them to make a fun environment with many rewards for doing things in real like to care for yourself and your environment.
b.) Habitica Party; Agape Kingdom's Triquetra Caticorns: although it is loosely based on Christ-centered mental health and the Triquetra diary card and goal system I created for those interested, it is not reserved only for Christians. I highly encourage anyone to partake in it.
c.) Roblox Group; Agape Kingdom Gamifications: My aim here is to make as many clubs/clans/etc that are part of this group, but my first one is on Pet Simulator 99 called Vanished For Mental Health (VFMH), it encourages afk-gaming in one spot as you earn for actively working out or working on chores etc.
d.) Toontown Corporate Clash: Triquetra Kaleidoscope: My goal here is to incorporate self-care and gather more people on the journey of that with my Toontown Corporate Clash: Gamified project.
e.) 4thewords; Scriptsmiths & Bookdragons: part of my guild for writing and reading books on Thursdays where I will make a Co-op room and encourage others to write anything.
4.) Livestreaming/Blogging/Vlogging
I will be more active within these locations very soon:
a.) Agape Kingdom Blog: with (normally) weekly posts with different topics, depending on the day I blog. Such as Selfcare Sunday, Media of the Week Monday, Nostalgic Tuesdays/Thursdays, Soundwaves of Love Wednesdays, Free Review Fridays, Sabbath Devotionals
b.) TheGryphonKingdom Twitch: Either will livestream discord events but mainly will be aiming to do it Sunday, with playthroughs and more!
c.) thegryphonwing Tiktok: vlogging location for updates on fun, games, mental well-being, as well as my move. Meanwhile, I will most likely stay away from the timeline until 2025!
Other Updates
1.) Movie Review
Although I did dread my bday, my mother took me out to watch Inside Out 2 in theaters! Honestly, they did so well representing Anxiety! I loved how they portrayed grounding skills and personified them in the dynamic of Joy and Anxiety. Joy sitting her down with tea and a seat toward the end, he deep breathing, the panic attack and the amazing and hilarious depiction of puberty was the chef's kiss! It was the first movie I'd rate as a 5-star from Pixar or Disney in a long time!
2.) Potential Name Change
Soon I will be legally changing my last name to my daddy's which I have wanted to do ever since 2011. He has stuck with me since I was young and although I wished for adoption then, there would have legally been more to it then. I truly am grateful to him and have considered him my true father since day one. Despite our rough patches, I want him to know I can't imagine having another father.
Conclusion
Even though it's been a rough few months, I am ultimately grateful for my time with Grandma, Missy, and Mister, and that I am working to move out of my apartment and back with my parents here. I hope to be more active in LightforMI as well as in other areas. I look forward to this coming year.
In the days before me, I will remember;
Luceo Non Uro (I shine, not burn),
Ari
- Details
- Written by Arianna
This is a 10-part series that I am calling Resources of Recovery. And as the title suggests, I’m going to gather resources that have helped me with my recovery or that I think may help others with theirs. In this collection of parts, I will give a short summary of whatever I’m covering and why I believe they help. Thank you for investing time out of your schedule to read and look into these and I hope you enjoy.
Today, I am covering Gamifying Your Life. Alright, so what exactly is Gamification? Well it’s defined meaning is; “the application of typical elements of game playing (e.g. point scoring, competition with others, rules of play) to other areas of activity, typically as an online marketing technique to encourage engagement with a product or service.” As the definition suggests, below are some resources on games (e.g. apps, websites, books, videos, blogs, etc), that help you in specific tasks (e.g. habit tracker, fitness, music, dancing, writing, and recovery etc.)
In this day and age gaming is essential part of many young-- and young at hearted lives. With vast new worlds being in view and even engaging due to the ability to make your own story and participate in the actions of the character, it was a true revolution in how stories could be told. So, it’s no wonder that games would advance in the real world for one to live their lives and perform their tasks. Combining fun with our day to day chores became a whole ‘nother view of Mary Poppin’s “spoonful of sugar helping the medicine go down”. And bringing back childhood to even the grown. This is why I believe this helps recovery.
Habits, Tasks, & To-Dos
Habitica: Gamify Your Life - site - iOs -android
Superbetter site - iOS - android
Health
Healthy Eating & Hydration
Fitness
Harry Potter: Wizards Unite [Coming Soon in 2019]
Nerd Fitness - site - iOS - android
Mental Health
Creativity
Finances & Business
Other Media
Books
Level Up Your Life By Steve Kamb
Reality is Broken By Jane McGonigal
5 Must-Read Books on Gamification
Articles/Blogs
LEVEL UP YOUR SELF CARE WITH HABITICA AND TAKE THIS
Gamify all my Behaviors, Please!
Gamify Your Mental Health: 10 Simple Tools For Gamers & Geeks
Yu-kai Chou: Gamification & Behavioral Design
10 Ways to Gamify Your Life Today
How to Level Up In Life – Turn Your Life Into a Game by MARELISA
Design Experiment: How I Gamified My Life by Mriganka Bhuyan
How to Gamify Your Life by WikiHow
Adapting Habitica for Anxiety and Depression by Habitica Wiki
Habitica for self-care & personal projects by Jennifer Parsons
Playing at Being Motivated: Habitica for Writers by Cat Rambo
Habitica for Writers by Shannon Lawerance of The Warrior Muse
Caring for the Mind: Guilds for Mental Health and Wellness by BEFFYMAROO
THERAPEUTIC AND MENTAL HEALTH-RELATED GAMES
GAMIFYING MUSIC INSTRUCTION - PART 1: WHY “FUN” IS NOT A DIRTY WORD. - PART 2: FLIPPING THE FUN-WORK BALANCE
Videos/Youtube
How To Gamify Your Life by Malcolm
HabitRPG PSA! Gamify your life by Enmoshin
Habitica Mini-Course by Scott Duffy
Using Video Games to Improve Your Life! By Penguin Company
How to Turn Your Life Into a Video Game by How to ADHD
Habitica Gamifies your Habits - Habit Tracking - Daily Tracking by Lawrence He
- Details
- Written by Arianna
This letter is written generically to all pastors but originally it was for one pastor. I am writing this because I have gone through this with many churches and I want all pastors to understand why this is wrong and possibly help other Christians with this issue to come to a more welcoming church. Share this with your leaders and help me spread this story. So without further ado a heavily revised letter to all pastors…
Luceo Non Uro,
Dear Pastors and Leaders of the Church and Body of Christ,
We, the Silently Broken are writing you this day because I have an obligation to speak up when we see-- or in this case experience something wrong. As your sister/brother in Christ and as someone who has been called to kill the stigma around mental illness in the church, we have been given this obligation.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
Matthew 18:15-17 ESV
When we were at your church we did not see Jesus nor hear him in the way you treated us. No amount of us expressing our story of recovery through Christ could have justified how you humiliated us, watched us as if we were a threat to your congregants, and segregated us from your congregation. You have not properly prepared your congregation for the real world if you are so concerned by what the seekers will think if they hear that there is a Christian who self-harms, is suicidal, and struggles with mental illness. And when you haven’t properly prepared your congregants for this, you have failed future seekers…
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
1 John 4:18 ESV
Let me express to you from the view of someone who spent time in church when we were seeking Christ… We spent more time looking at people who seemed like they didn’t suffer from these things. We spent more time trying to watch how the pastors treated people with struggles like ours. We watched the pastor’s children. We watched the ones who constantly smiled and rarely expressed pain... We watched people who’d expect that from the congregants…
We don’t do this, because we are inspired, but because they were the ones who’d hurt others, liberally. If they hurt their other brethren, then they’d hurt us. In other words, seekers of Christ who are just starting out, they spend more time watching and listening to you and thinking badly about your actions than with people who are real and aren’t afraid to show where they struggle. It’s somewhat refreshing to seekers to find people in church without that mask. They tend to believe the word coming from an openly imperfect Christian more than from someone who mimics perfection.
There is a beautiful transparency to honest disciples who never wear a false face and do not pretend to be anything but who they are.
Brennan Manning
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”
Matthew 5:3-5 ESV
We were humiliated by your treatment of us through one of the hardest times of our lives. It really wasn’t any of your business who we choose to tell. And even when we do what you told us to do and kept silent, you kicked us out anyway. This would be a devastating and traumatic situation for anyone; because in the one place where you are supposed to be loved and helped, we were cast out. Once all this is over, we feel like we don’t belong anywhere. As Christians, we are in and not of the world and are hated by the world. But as someone with mental illness, we don’t belong with our family in Christ.
The church is not a museum for pristine saints, but a hospital ward for broken sinners
Timothy Keller
Now that I have finished expressing this, I want you to be aware that I have forgiven you, despite how traumatic this was. But I do want you to do this big favour for me. As your sister/brother in Christ, I ask that you learn from this situation and not do this to anyone ever again. If a Christian in my same situation comes expressing things like this, please be aware that it IS part of your mission to help them and treat them the same as everyone else, with the same love. Please treat the others how you’d want to be treated. Bear their burdens, because as you are your brother’s keeper. It is your problem just as it is mine.
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2 ESV
For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’
Matthew 25:35-40 ESV
This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
John 15:12 ESV
Shalom be to you all in Christ and Yahweh,
A Ragamuffin Child
The ragamuffin who sees his life as a voyage of discovery and runs the risk of failure has a better feel for faithfulness than the timid man who hides behind the law and never finds out who he is at all.
Brennan Manning
- Details
- Written by Arianna
Who We Are
Arianna is a proud authoress, artist, and musician, but the most important thing about her is; she seeks the hidden face of God with a passion. A lover of culture, art, music, and all things geeky and Celtic, her writings are often greatly impacted by these things.
Valerie is the wife of a remarkable man, and the mother of three children, with two of whom having various degrees of mental illness. Valerie is no stranger to mental illness herself as a sufferer of depression on and off for years.